Hello! Happy New Year and welcome back to this newsletter!
I intended to recap The Golden Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise, but my work life had other plans. Long story short, I spent most of the last 3-4 months in and out of airports and hotel rooms traveling for work and the free time I did have just didn’t allow me to produce recaps consistently the way I wanted to. So I listened to my body and rested.
I did enjoy The Golden Bachelor. Even more, than I thought I would and I’m looking forward to its return (and maybe even a Golden Bachelorette season) in 2024. But for now, onwards to Joey’s season!
If you’re new here—or if it’s just been a while and you don’t remember—I like to publish my “precaps” about a week before a new Bachelor/Bachelorette season and give my takes on the cast: red flags, green flags and predictions for the upcoming season.
First, a note about our lead, Joey. Y’all, have we ever had a lead whose looks were drastically improved by a haircut? During Charity’s season, Joey was giving best friend’s cute little brother I’d flirt with for fun. Now, he’s giving grown-ass man with a 401K and stock options and all it took was a good curly cut (IYKYK) and some well-fitting suits. I mean look at the material in the promo. He wearing that pink suit, ok!
On to the women. I’ve read the ABC cast bios and watched the season trailer, and I am ready to judge these women solely based on the roughly 200-word paragraphs and 10-second clips I’ve consumed.
Joey’s Final Four
DAISY
This first pick is purely based on previews. I believe Daisy is the one seen telling Joey she’s falling for him, and he reciprocates (assuming some creative editing isn’t taking place). She seems normal based on her bio, no red flags detected, and she’s cute. Not sure she and Joey have much in common, but that hasn’t stopped these leads from jumping in head first previously!
CHRISSA
Chrissa seems too nice and normal to be on this show. Sure she had a failed engagement, but at only 26, that makes sense, it was probably a high school or early college sweetheart. I think Joey will be drawn to her athletic ability and love of competition.
LAUREN
Lauren and her sister Allison are both vying for Joey’s heart, which is weird tbh. Even though we see more of Allison in the trailer, I could see Lauren being a sleeper pick. it also looks like Allison self eliminates and I could see her doing so after she realizes the connection Lauren and Joey have.
SAMANTHA
She fits The Bachelor blueprint perfectly; former pageant girly, NFL cheerleader, and princess at Disney World. It’s giving Gabby Windey meets Susie Evans.
Red Flags
EVALIN
It pains me to put gorgeous Evalin in this category, but her bio makes it sound like she ruffles some feathers in the journey for love. If that wasn’t enough, one of her fun facts is that she wants to meet Charity Lawson which gives wrong reasons, but also stupid. I too would love to meet Charity, but if I’m cast on a show to date her very recent ex, you know what I’m not doing? Uttering her name to production/casting so they can use it against me later!
JESS
Jess is 24, read for fun for the first time last year, and likes Taylor Swift. Nuff said.
LEA
Lea was cute and nervous on AFR, but ultimately I think the only thing this 23-year-old will have in common with Joey is where they both live. Maybe not quite fair for her to get the red flag badge, but to me she said yes to filling a certain role on this show because she’s from Hawaii. Also, ever since they began doing this first rose/get to know the cast before night one, it’s never ended well for the women (remember Brianna from Zach’s season?).
MARIA
Any time a bio describes a cast member as being bold and “unafraid to speak their mind” it usually means they’re going to be painted as a villain. Hate to see it.
TAYLOR
Read her bio and you’ll understand. I think unfortunately she’s coming in too hot which will not land her any favor with the women.
Green Flags
KATELYN
I need Katelyn to give us a crash course on buying a home in this economy at 23. Unless the answer is generational wealth, then never mind. Besides being a homeowner, she loves to read, and play cards and must have at least some ambition as she works as a radiochemist. We love to see it!
KELSEY T.
I don’t think we’ll see much of Kelsey T. after the first two episodes tbh, but she’s 31 in a cast of mostly 25-year-olds, so it’s not her fault. She didn’t stand a chance. Honorable mention: She’s a Destiny’s Child fan, liking anything that involves Beyoncé is an automatic green flag.
Not much else on the green flag front. While all the women are gorgeous (as always) their bios read more bland than usual. Even the ones that gave me pause. It’s also hard for me to believe that 23-25-year-olds are on this show for love. And it’s fine if they aren’t, Lord knows I wouldn’t be, nor is that why I watch, but to have so many young women feels like a mistake. Joey is 28/29 and that is so much different than 23/24. If you know, you know.
Season Predictions
Joey’s season got BUDGET. The trailer alone is proof of this. Several countries, beautiful cityscapes, castles, mountains, just stunning view after stunning view. This feels like the older romantic Bachelor seasons we’re used to. Those COVID/bubble seasons were giving low budget and it looks like the funds are back!
The final woman he chooses doesn’t choose him back. When watching the trailer, Jesse Palmer’s VO said that Joey’s season is both the most romantic in Bachelor Nation history and also that the very end of Joey’s journey ends in a way we’ve never seen before. He’s crying at the proposal spot, sweating, and seen taking off his suit jacket and walking away from cameras and production. It’s giving mess.
This cast of women will be fighting for this man. You know how in some seasons the friendships seem greater than anything that happens with the lead (Matt James, Peter Webber, Juan Pablo)? I think this season will be the exact opposite. Joey is good looking, lives in paradise, and seems to be at least somewhat in touch with his emotions. Is the bar in hell? Yes. Will that stop these women from going hard for this man and cutting the competition at any chance they get? No. It looks like we might even get a two-on-one this season!
Joey will circle the block. Based on the pre-season press Joey has been doing, I’m not confident he’s with someone. If he is, maybe they’re working through some things. He seemed a little sad at The Golden Wedding. If he is left alone on proposal day, I could see him circling the block. Going back to a woman who left on her own accord, or who he felt he sent home prematurely.
Welp, that’s all I’ve got. What predictions did I miss? Anyone from cast bios you’re rooting for? Let me know in the comments below!