Girl, F*ck You: Bachelor 26, Episode 5
I need Shanae off my screen, stat.
It’s not a secret that I curse, my recaps are often laced with a few f-bombs. But tonight, putting it in the title just felt right y’all. Shanae has been here about three weeks longer than she should’ve been and it’s officially unbearable. I could put up with past villains. Matt got rid of “queen” Victoria pretty quickly and coach Krystal from Arie’s season was obnoxious, but she wasn’t unnecessarily mean. Shanae goes out of her way to say mean things and what’s most frustrating about it is most of it she’s saying in a room with producers, she ain’t even saying it to people’s faces! So, an F you felt appropriate and like not enough.
I entered tonight’s episode fully expecting Shanae to somehow make it through another rose ceremony and the two-on-one with Genevieve. Unfortunately, I was at least partially right. The two-on-one left us with yet another cliffhanger.
Shanae sucks. I have personally experienced women like her weaponizing their tears in educational and professional settings instead of taking responsibility for their actions my entire life, enough! She doesn’t even like this man! She’s just feeding off the drama. If she liked Clayton and truly felt threatened by Elizabeth, this beef would’ve ended when Elizabeth got sent home, but it didn’t. Since then, Shanae has doubled down on her fuckery and made us all suffer.
We start with Susie, Jill, and Rachel talking about what a mess the group date was. We saw Susie’s one-on-one in the first episode, and then similar to Teddi she kind of got buried, so it was nice to hear her give some perspective on the drama in the house. The women agree that Clayton isn’t seeing the full picture of what is going on.
Clayton is taking a walk on the beach as he pretends to be deep in thought. He acknowledges that he has to address more drama at the cocktail party this week. Let’s hope he does better than he did last week (Spoiler: he doesn’t—Clayton, confront all the women together! Makes it harder for them to lie).
Paradise Pier
Clayton and Serene are in Galveston, Texas at the Pleasure Pier which they have to themselves for the day.
We learn Clayton worked at the fudge factory at Six Flags St. Louis and that he choose not to share his great dance moves with the patrons, probably for the best. They’re joking around, eating ice cream, he seems at ease and comfortable. Serene says he’s a good kisser, which I always wonder when watching this show. The women have seemed to like kissing Clayton. Physical touch seems like Clayton’s love language and I feel like he does it very well. Take that comment to mean whatever you want it to.
We’re seeing a different side of Clayton. He was clearly stressed by Shanae’s shenanigans from the previous night, but Serene puts him at ease. He’s cracking jokes, and their conversations feel like ones you’d have on a normal first date. Clayton says the date went as perfect as it could have and he’s looking to get to know more about her during the nighttime portion.
It’s time for the evening portion of their one-on-one and Serene looks GREAT in her slinky velvet black dress. Clayton looks…fine. He’s not wearing a hoodie under his blazer, so we’ll accept it.
They’re in the gorgeous Astorian Hotel and Serene tees us up for the sob story she’s about to share. She says she’s experienced some things that have changed her perspective on life, so she’s excited to share that part of herself with Clayton.
Serene says she doesn’t really open up to people becuase she comes from a family where they really abided by the parent/children roles. I too grew up in a household like this too, so I understand. Clayton takes a moment to relate to this, by sharing that he and his dad had a similar strict parent/child relationship where he felt his father didn’t make a ton of room for his feelings. He also shared that his mom was good at making him feel seen and that’s something he hopes to bring to his family.
A related sidetone: I’m really glad our generation is speaking up about what we didn’t get when we were younger and doing so without it feeling like an inditement on our parents/family members. I won’t pretend to know whether what’s shared on this show leads to tough conversations between contestants and their family members (I’m currently reading Rachel Lindsay’s memoir and that seems to be the case at least a little bit), but hurt feelings or not, it’s so important to learn from what we didn’t get growing up and to allow it to inform how we decide to have a family. Okay, sidebar over.
Serene shares she’s had a lot of loss in the past couple of years that she’s never experienced before. Her grandmother passed away a few years ago, and she lost a close cousin unexpectedly who struggled with addiction. She looks like she’s gripping Clayton’s hand so hard as she’s sharing. While I hate this formula of oversharing on these one-on-ones I did love that she shared both the loss of her loved ones and the good memories she holds of them. When you’re recalling your toughest life moments it’s easy to only be remembered for that on this show, so sharing the happy moments felt like a good balance and brought some levity to a heavy conversation.
Watching Serene share her story made me wonder how leads manage all these emotional dumps they receive throughout this process. I know there is a therapist on set, does Clayton get access to them after some of the heavier dates? I want to know! I know everyone says they’re an empath, but I legitimately am and this type of consistent sharing would be a lot even for me, especially since I’d find myself wanting to “fix” everything.
Shanae’s Emmy Audition
Another week, another mid-episode cocktail party. Shanae is in her confessional saying that her week was terrible but that she can’t think of one thing that she did wrong 🙄. Imagine being almost 30 and having zero conflict resolution and accountability skills.
In more positive, less tone-deaf news, these women look great tonight! So many beautiful dresses, I even liked shady Shanae’s dress.
Jill confronts Shanae as soon as the women sit down at the cocktail party. She says if Clayton is willing to keep her around to “terrorize” them then it affects everyone negatively. Teddi chimes in to say she hopes that the issues can be addressed quickly and Marlena asks Shanae why she showed up to the group date cocktail party without addressing the women on the date first, but Clayton interrupts before she can answer.
Clayton says he wants to address the tension in the group. He takes the winning team from the group date and they kick off the night with a chat. He asks the women for the full story of what happened the other night, and Sierra, the leader of the pack (this season’s Aaron, if you will) shares that Shanae said some slick shit. Marlena tries to make a connection between Clayton’s athletic background and Shanae’s actions saying that athletes know how to take an L and when you lose, you need to accept it and move on. Clayton looks bothered by what’s he’s hearing.
Back with the other women, Lyndsey suggests that Shanae take a few deep breathes and own what she did. Shanae lowkey seems like she’s listening.
Clayton is still talking to the women from the previous night’s group date when Susie says that an apology is key to moving forward. Teddi, another favorite says that Shanae’s actions were absurd and it’d be hard to come back from that. Clayton ends the conversation by saying that he didn’t know Shanae cursed at the ladies or threw the trophy and ultimately says he needs to speak to her to hear her side. This is bullshit. Clayton saw Shanae’s true colors when she went off on Elizabeth the week before. He was sitting right next to her! Just say you’re keeping her because you want to fuck her so everyone can move on. I know production pulls some wild strings every season, and they may have something to do with her still being here, but Shanae is talking mad shit. We are seeing the words “bitch” and “hoes” come out of her mouth, we’re seeing her give the women the middle finger, we’re seeing her make fun of someone being neurodivergent over and over again. It’s too much.
Clayton pulls Shanae and the women get preemptively elated thinking this means she’s going home. In her ITM, Shanae is talking her regular shit saying if she has to ruin another cocktail party, she will. I don’t believe this show is about romance and marriage, but I’ve got to side with Sierra, if you're allegedly there to find your wife Clayton, why are you entertaining this bullshit? Shanae is cute, she’s real cute, but do your values align? Do you want a wife that struggles to get along with other people?
Shanae is honest during her time with Clayton and admits that she was heated and reacted from that place. He basically leads her to fucking water and forces her to drink. He asks her if she regrets her actions, if she wants to apologize, and if she feels bad. She says yes because what the fuck else was she going to say?
While huddled with the other women, Sierra makes a great point: Keeping Shanae falls on Clayton at this point. It speaks to what he will allow in a relationship and what he’s willing to stand up for.
Shanae rejoins the women with some crocodile tears and apologizes to them. I’m not even going to attempt to sum up what she said because she’s full of shit and I don’t believe her. Marlena and Susie accept her apology. She then goes back to Clayton and shares that she apologized to the women. Like an idiot, Clayton believes her.
Seconds later we get Shanae in her interview with the producers saying she was acting and wasn’t sorry at all. She calls the women hoes and says apologizing for something she isn’t sorry for is the hardest thing she’s ever done. What a great life she’s had if that was sooo difficult for her.
Before the rose ceremony begins, we see that Teddi received that group date rose from last week’s football date. Clayton starts the ceremony hoping that everyone felt seen and heard, but we ain’t see him talk to anyone besides Shanae and the three women who spoke about her actions.
We get this drawn-out build-up, but we know Shanae isn’t going home because we saw in the trailer that she’s on the two-on-one. Going home are Sierra, Jill, and Lyndsey.
Before leaving, Sierra tells Clayton to “Choose a girl for the man you’re going to become, not the man you are now. Don’t be stupid.” I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT! Meanwhile, Shanae is in her ITM calling Sierra a bitch and bragging about sending two women home.
Hello Toronto!
We’re in Toronto, Canada for the second half of this week and Clayton is telling us that throughout all the drama, he can see himself falling in love with multiple women. The women are doing their usual ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’ as they walk around the city and see their new digs. A date card arrives and it’s for the hilarious Gabby!
Not that we’re getting two helicopter dates in one season. After Kobe Bryant’s death, I’m out on helicopters and I can’t help, but get nervous when I see people riding in them on TV. We didn’t even get that many ariel shots, so what was the point of risking death!?
Gabby and Clayton are in a park playing field hockey…on concrete? They’re petting dogs, trying food, and spray painting a fake brick wall to mimic graffiti alley in Toronto (which I highly recommend). After seeing his connection with Rachel and his night one with Teddi, it’s hard to not compare that to what he has with other women. Are Gabby and Clayton able to laugh and have fun together? Sure. But they don’t strike me as a couple that will go the distance.
Back at the house, Shanae has the audacity to hope for a one-on-one date. She says she’d love an opportunity to actually discuss their connection instead of drama. Sis, you wouldn’t be addressing drama constantly if you’d shut the fuck up and focus on yourself. A date card arrives and after the names are read, the women realize that Genevieve and Shanae’s names aren’t on the date. They’ll be on a two-on-one and they pretend that they’ve never seen this show before and don’t know how a two-on-one works. If you’re new here too: generally one goes home, one stays, but honestly, the person who stays usually goes home shortly after. So it’s not a good use of time, but it is great for drama.
During Gabby and Clayton’s evening date, Clayton says he likes the silly side she brings out of him. They’re having dinner with the beautiful backdrop of the Toronto skyline behind them. Gabby acknowledges that the process is expedited and she wants to show as much of herself as possible so he has a good idea of who she is.
She explains she’s usually reserved at the beginning of her relationships and that she has issues receiving love. Clayton expresses interest in going deeper and asks if she’s like this because she’s afraid to love. Gabby responds that she usually feels undeserving of the love she receives. Again, Clayton asks if she still feels that insecurity now. While Gabby admits to working through a lot of these feelings, she explains that growing up, her mother was very physically affectionate, but then would withhold her feelings out of the blue. This made her feel like if her mom could stop loving her, anyone could.
Gabby also shares that she and he mother don’t have much of a relationship right now. Clayton asks if that’s a relationship she’d like to mend, Gabby gets emotional and admits that maybe in the future they’ll work on their relationship, but right now she needs to do some more healing.
I loved Gabby’s self-awareness at this moment, her advocating for therapy, and assuring Clayton that she is secure in her place in this experience. This was the most we’ve seen Clayton ask questions on a one-on-one date. It felt like he was trying to understand how Gabby’s family dynamic and views of herself could play out in their relationship, which also means (to me) that he sees a future with her. It was easy to dismiss their connection in the day portion of the date because they were just being so silly. I loved seeing this serious side of Gabby and was impressed with Clayton’s attentiveness. Of course, Gabby gets the group date rose.
Can You Take the Heat?
On the date: Rachel, Sarah, Serene, Marlena, Susie, Hunter, Eliza, Teddi, Mara
The women are in the Distillery District with Jesse Palmer, Clayton and Canadian comedian Russell Peters who walks up and immediately starts roasting Clayton and Jesse. This is the roasting date!
I love this date because it often comes during a moment when the show could use some levity. The women each spend time on their own writing material that they have to perform later in front of everyone.
All of the women were hilarious! Sarah and Marlena were my favorites, and I loved that so many women chose to spread the love around and even made fun of Clayton. I didn’t like that Mara called Sarah a bitch though that felt like an insult rather than a comedic choice.
It’s time for the after party and the women seem to be in good spirits despite how some of the jokes landed from earlier.
Susie pulls Clayton first and to make up for roasting him during the day, she takes some time to share what she likes about him as well. I think Susie is one of the few women that still actually likes this guy, so taking time to show some extra appreciation was a good move.
Marlena and Clayton are talking next and Clayton compliments her on her creativity during the roast. Marlena takes the opportunity to pull a layer back with Clayton so he doesn’t just view her as this dope Olympian and comedian. She shares that she’s given a lot in her previous relationships and so she’s looking for a relationship where that load can be shared. This kind of goes over Clayton’s head, this conversation ends with him praising her for her athletic abilities and wit.
Back at the house, Gabby reads the two-on-one date card and the women overanalyze the fact that the card isn’t signed with “Love, Clayton.” Shanae is still talking shit y’all, what else is new? Get this woman off my TV!!!
At the after party, Rachel and Clayton have a moment to connect and he says he cannot stop thinking about her. He says it again in his interview with the producers. Good signs. I like them together, they’re giddy when they’re around one another and the chemistry is so clear.
The group date rose goes to Rachel, leaving Marlena upset because for two weeks in a row she’s shined on the group dates and it’s gone unrewarded.
Only One Comes Out with a Rose
I love the drama and suspense of a two-on-one, but I hate that this meant more screentime for Shanae. Shanae admits to scripting out what she’s going to say and practicing it. I don’t understand why we watched a guy get kicked out on Michelle’s season when it was “discovered” he brought notes and scripted things to say to Michelle, but Shanae has admitted to faking apologies and other speeches and it’s fine. She gets to stay.
I do have one question for the producers: Why the choice to have this awkward ass date at a place as beautiful as Niagara Falls? Clayton said himself the date was going to be stressful. Why would he want to take in these beautiful views with two women who don’t like one another?
Gabby, Rachel, and Susie, arguably the front runners, are talking about the two-on-one and Susie admits if Shanae comes home, it’ll make her view her relationship with Clayton less seriously. Fair enough.
Before the date can even get started, we get another ‘To Be Continued’ frame, of course! Because the Shanae drama has not been drawn out enough.
We get a mid-season trailer and it looks like Clayton truly unravels the second half of the season as the stakes get higher. I also realized when scrolling IG the other day that he moved to Arizona recently. I feel like if you’re happily engaged, you’re not actively moving to a place where your fiancé doesn’t reside. Not saying long distance can’t work (or maybe his final pick moved with him but is keeping it a secret), but just seems like a weird choice. We’ll see. Here’s to hoping next week is it for Shanae 🤞🏾.
Great recap. I especially like your sidebar, the IG analysis and the swearing!
Hilarious, as always
I’ve also wondered if the lead gets help in shouldering all the really hard life experiences the competitors share.