These Men are Basic: Bachelorette(s) 19, Episode 6
There’s nothing wrong with them, they’re just really normal, and maybe not that in to either of these women.
Okay, I don’t want to talk about it, but we have to talk about it. I’m talking about Nate Mitchell and his questionable dating history according to the women he dated (as recently as 2021). If you have no interest in hearing more about this, I get it. Skip down to the photo where my recap of tonight’s episode starts.
So, last week Reality Steve released a series of screenshots from Nate’s exes that essentially said he cheated on his girlfriend of 18 months, omitted the fact that he had a child, and was getting serious with other women before the ink on his divorce papers were dry. If you want to read the words from the women, I linked it above, but honestly, Reality Steve has a horrible website riddled with ads, that my ad blocker barely cuts through. In other words, his site sucks, and click at your own risk.
Nate has not responded yet, but Bachelor creator and producer Mike Fleiss has, unfortunately, said more than enough on his behalf.
I assume Nate will stay silent either until he’s off the show (so maybe we’ll get something from him this week), or at least for the next couple of weeks while Fleiss and other producers scramble to “help” (read: force) him write an iOS press release like they did Chris Harrison and Rachael Kirkconnell.
My hot take: This does not matter. It truly, honestly does not matter. Not because what Nate did isn’t awful, it is, but because a person’s previous dating history doesn’t necessarily dictate their future dating patterns. Sounds like Nate was (is?) a serial dater who is not quick to commit and instead of being honest about it, he kept the women he was dating at arms length emotionally while showing up physically and buying gifts as much as possible.
It sounds like while his ex considered herself in an 18-month relationship with him, he didn’t necessarily consider himself in an 18-month relationship with her. He only introduced her to his twin brother, never any other friends/family and she’d only seen his apartment once. So while she was comfortable introducing him to her people and making him fit into her life—which I don’t fault her for—it sounds like he was trying to finalize a divorce and reach a custody agreement for his daughter. I won’t even pretend to understand what that type of stress is like.
Still, Nate just should have been honest, either about dating multiple women at once or about not wanting anything serious because that’s what his actions were giving.
Now that everything is out in the open, at least from the perspective of these women who were involved with Nate, the ‘Nate for Bachelor’ tweets have subsided, and *shockingly* some thinly veiled racism and bias has risen to the surface. Enough. He fucked up. He was an asshole. He played women. None of that should be an inditement on how he parents or whether he’s worthy of love again.
It’s never lost on me how quickly Bachelor Nation turns on contestants, especially the Black ones. We literally watched Hayden call these women bitches two weeks ago, we see the racist and sexist tweets from contestants damn near every season, and there have been several men in recent seasons with sexual assault allegations (including Minnesota Joe and show creator Mike Fleiss). But you know who gets all the smoke—including from Reality Steve, who has a huge, influential platform—Nate Mitchell. For kinda sorta cheating on a woman he was dating. Really? Does that sound right to y’all?
Do I want to see Nate’s actions completely ignored? No. I want to see him answer for his actions, I’d love to know his interpretation of the situation, but I am not interested in persecuting him so harshly especially when we know he’s under contract and can only say so much. More than anything, I wish this franchise, particularly the viewers, weren’t so quick to turn on contestants. I wish we kept this energy for actions that are truly unforgivable, ya know like assault.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. On to the show.
After tonight’s episode I can’t help, but feel like casting ain’t do they job right. I’m not convinced either of these women end up with someone. I also think these guys are just too boring and normal to carry the show at this point. None of them stand out much to me and the only final couple I feel confident in is Tino and Rachel. Erich doesn’t seem that into Gabby the way she’s into him, and I can barely remember the rest of their names.
Next week is hometowns, but do we know any of these men? They’ve barely shared their deeply personal childhood traumas with us. How can we know who’s truly ready to be a husband without knowing the worst moments of their lives!?
The group is in Amsterdam and discussing the gravity of the week since next week is hometowns. Several men on both “teams” still haven’t gotten one on ones with Rachel or Gabby and are hoping to land one before hometowns. Unfortunately, those men are out of luck becuase Zach and Nate are getting their second one-on-one dates and everyone is pissed, Tino especially.
Nate’s shocked faces are so funny, it’s like he watched early seasons of this show and knows Black men aren’t really supposed to be in the running like this, yet somehow he is (and hopefully still in the running for Bachelor even if BN ain’t fucking with the kid right now).
Gabby and Rachel are talking about their weeks with Jesse and Gabby is already loading how worried she is about making a commitment to Nate and his daughter. She’s right, she does have to think about both Nate and his child in this situation. I understand that she’s still working through healing from her relationship and childhood with her mother. Still, throughout this episode, I wished there was a person to assure her that no parent really knows what they’re doing and that her being mindful of what she didn’t get as a kid is a great first step to showing up better for the children who may be part of her future.
Ready to Be a Mom?
Nate admitting that he was in Amsterdam during the pandemic has me side-eyeing him more than the news that came out about him last week. Sir, why were you going to another country during a panini press knowing everything would be closed?
Anyway, I didn’t appreciate was the forced conversation Logan and Johnny had to have about whether Gabby was ready to be a mom. Not only did these men clearly not give a fuck about whether she’s ready or not, but neither do I. And likely, neither do y’all.
I get it, it’s a storyline that eventually leads us to Gabby’s decision to send Nate home, but in general, I don’t like men questioning women about anything, especially if they’re ready to be a mom. Gabby said it perfectly: “I have more healing and growing to do before I become a mom.” She likely knew that weeks ago when she first learned he had a child, but needed more time to admit it out loud.
It feels like they’ve walked maybe ten steps before they take a seat on a bench and Gabby bursts into tears. Fucking yikes. Gabby shares she’s terrified to be a mom and that meeting Nate’s daughter would be hard because she’d fall in love with the kid, making her decision to keep or let Nate go even harder.
Nate doesn’t say much, but he does start crying. It’s kind of wild that she gave her final date to Nate just to break up with him. We love to see it. Go ahead and set this man up for a Bachelor edit, sis!
The men watch Nate’s suitcase get rolled away and are *shocked*. Logan of all people calls him a good guy, like shut up, you’ve been on Gabby’s team for 24 hours.
Although this was hard to watch, and I’m sure even harder to experience, I like how this moment normalized women who are unsure about motherhood, or even women who want motherhood, but are scared and need more time to heal. Gabby named her needs so clearly and I respect the hell out of her for being so honest about how she was feeling with Nate and in her interviews with producers. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.
Let Love Bloom
I’m very curious why Rachel gave this man a second one-on-one when we all know that Tino is her husband. Ma’am, be serious.
The couple is in the famous tulip fields that thousands of influencers have likely spent hours waiting to take the same picture as the ones who came before them. Still, the photos they took are cute and I too am excited for the day that I get to be basic and take photos in the Netherlands with thousands of tulips behind me.
They ride bikes to a random cheese and fruit stand along the side of the road, a questionable lemonade stand run by children, and a hot tub in the middle of nowhere. Production is nothing, if not predictable.
Zach is all in, not only does he say it, but he’s talking a lot, despite the fact that Rachel doesn’t seem to be listening, she’s just trying to makeout.
Rachel’s dinner dress is beautiful, I love a v-neck and a statement sleeve. Meanwhile, Zach looks like every brown-haired white man I went to college with. He’s cute, but he is just so regular. Even though we’ve seen them on a date before, I found myself looking at him throughout the episode and wondering “are you new here?”
Zach uses dinner to share what I thought was going to be a weight loss transformation story. Apparently, he used to be overweight and felt empty inside. So, after his most recent breakup, he went to therapy and worked on himself. WE LOVE TO HEAR IT! So many men have talked about therapy and healing childhood wounds this season and I am here for it. Normalize this behavior for the boys on Twitter with relationship podcasts and horrible hot takes about dating.
Zach ends the night by sharing that he’s falling for Rachel and it earns him a rose for hometowns.
While Rachel and Zach dance to classical music on the streets of Amsterdam, Gabby is approaching her men teary-eyed to share what happened with Nate. The men that are left somewhat comfort her, but overall, their reaction to Nate being gone fell flat. Like I said earlier, I am just not convinced any of these men really want to be with either of these women. We just haven’t seen the love stories blossom at the cadences we’d normally see. Maybe that’s because there are two leads and they had a lot of footage get through, but the storytelling has been off every week.
Whipping These Men into Shape
On the date: Erich, Johnny, Spencer, Logan, Jason
The men are learning about sex and pleasuring a woman! To start, the woman leading them through this exercise asks them if they know how to pleasure a woman and the men literally look confused and too scared to raise their hands. Like ‘Wait, women are supposed to be pleasured during sex?’
I also have to point out that Spencer’s pants were so tight, that I was scared they were going to split if he got too aroused. This date was awkward, done in a group. I feel like it would have been ok as a one-on-one date, but this was pure chaos. Honestly, I have two takeaways: Jason seems like he likes vanilla sex and Erich seems down to literally try anything (twice, apparently).
Before the cocktail party begins Jesse knocks on Gabby’s door and shares that Logan has COVID-19. Out of an abundance of caution, the cocktail party has to be canceled. This is literally staged. Has to be. If Logan tested positive, why let all these guys get dressed, and sit in a room with one another as if they likely weren’t also exposed? What are the COVID protocols for this show and why does this have to be a storyline?
When approaching the men, Jesse doesn’t even share why the cocktail party is canceled, he just tells the men there’s a situation. I feel like that’s wrong. If I was exposed to COVID filming a dumbass television show on a boat, I’d want to know.
I’m pretty much the only one in my orbit still wearing a mask and testing before getting on the road for work or personal trips, so I don’t expect much from this franchise, but being sick and in another country with people who are still mostly strangers to you doesn’t seem like a good time. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but I don’t think we need to be so tongue and cheek about a virus that is still circulating through communities and has killed millions.
Melting Hearts
On the date: Tyler, Aven, Ethan, Tino
For the first time, the teams being kept separately makes sense. If one side gets COVID, in theory, the other side isn’t affected because they’re staying on different parts of the ship and only see one another for the cocktail party and rose ceremony.
Rachel’s group is in the cheese capital of the world trying a bunch of cheese. I know I’ve said this a lot, but this is a dream date. Like Rachel, I too love cheese, even if it doesn’t love me.
The men are forced into some weird cheese competition where their shirts must be off to successfully compete and squat cheese. This looked like a kindergarten talent show that the men were forced to be part of to please their mom. Tino won, which is proof that love is a hell of a drug because he beat out a bunch of men with six pack abs and bubble butts.
As the cocktail party gets started, Rachel reminds the men that this one is especially important because she knows meeting families is a big deal and a big ask.
Aven basically says his parents are tough to impress, Tyler giving off the vibes that he brings every woman that says hello to him home, and based on Ethan’s ITM it seems like he knows he ain’t getting a hometown date.
I like that Rachel took the time to ask each man about their experience with bringing other women home. People usually know their families well enough to be able to share a preview of what to expect when others meet them for the first time.
Tyler gets the group date rose and I was shocked. I don’t think Rachel really likes this dude, I think she likes how much he likes her. Once again, Tino is pissed. He’s talking about his time with Rachel as if it was a list where he checked every box and so because he said the right things, and kissed her just right, and won a meaningless cheese squatting competition, he deserved the rose. I agree with Ethan, Tino is acting like a “baby back bitch.” Trust your girl’s judgment and respect her decision. Disappointment is to be expected, but every time something doesn’t quite go his way, he throws a tantrum and acts so entitled. It’s not a good look.
Rose Ceremony
Jesse checks in with Gabby about how she’s doing and she shares that some of her relationships haven’t been able to progress the way she hoped they would. Are we really going to get no follow-up about the COVID exposure? Logan is just gone? Another example of a lack of planning and clear process on the production side of things.
Meanwhile, Ethan and Tino are sitting on the boat deck talking about last night. I like that Ethan checked Tino for his behavior, but in a calm way. More men calling out men for their baby back bitch behavior, please. Tino is understandably feeling insecure and comparing his relationship with Rachel to what she has with other men. He’s been able to feel safe and vulnerable with Rachel and now he’s questioning it all because she could have deeper feelings for another man.
Gabby begins the rose ceremony sharing that she only feels comfortable giving out three roses, meaning she’ll only be meeting three families.
Gabby’s Roses: Erich, Jason, Johnny
Rachel’s Roses: Zach, Tyler, Aven, Tino
Going Home: Spencer, Ethan, Logan (?)
Next week, the ladies are meeting the families, Zach tells Rachel he’s in love with her and she’s potentially saying it back. Tino’s dad is giving some tough love and Jason’s mom is crying. I am not feeling good about the second half of this season. Seems like everything crashes and burns, and not even in an entertaining-to-watch kind of way. We’ll see. Until next week, ✌🏾