Can a Girl Get Some Attention: Bachelorette 18, Episode 4
The guys are missing out on moments with Michelle and Chris S. is stirring the pot.
I realized something earlier this week: millions of people are watching a Black woman find love, navigate through tough conversations gracefully, ask for what she deserves, and dress phenomenally each week. Sure, Michelle is not the first Black lead that the franchise has had, but she is the first that has seemed to get the budget and support she deserves. Her promo spots were flawless, her wardrobe has been hit after hit, and even the moments when she is firm with her group of men, she is not made out to look like an angry Black woman (like Rachel often was). It’s so refreshing and it matters because it’s not like the Bachelor Nation audience is predominately Black. That means white people are watching this Black woman hold her own, find love, and absolutely hit it out of the park week after week. This isn’t scripted television (although I know that’s up for debate) this is someones real life and we get to see her try and find love, we get to see men trip over themselves for her, we get to see her in some of the most gorgeous gowns I’ve ever seen, we get to see a Black woman be desired on national television and I fucking love it.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still some things I am side-eyeing production for this season and my memory is long. I have not forgotten that they cast an actual racist on Rachel Lindsay’s season, nor will I forget that they felt it was appropriate for us to see Matt James and his estranged father speak for the first time with three different cameras and a boom mic in their face. But for now, today, during this season, I’m pleased.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, on to the recap!
We start the episode with the men talking about the previous rose ceremony. They’re happy Jamie is gone, we hear Joe speak more than we ever have, and they all agree that Michelle made the right decision. Also, I’m so curious about Casey. He seems to narrate a lot in each episode, but we don’t see much of his and Michelle’s moments together. He seems like a nice enough guy with good judgment, but I also find myself wondering why we aren’t seeing more of him. I feel the same way about Leroy and Olu, but we got much more of Olu this week, thankfully.
Michelle is talking to Kaitlyn about Jamie and her trust being broken. She says moving forward she’s going to push herself to be vulnerable with the men and she hopes the new week will help. Michelle feels her men are good at being vulnerable and I think we’ve seen this a lot on the one-on-ones, but not a ton in the group dates. I suppose Brandon has used the group dates for that, but others? Not so much.
Tayshia comes in and tells the men there are two one-on-ones this week and one group date. Again, Joe is talking, saying he hopes he’ll get the one-on-one (he does not).
Getting Love Back on Track
Martin is going on the first one-on-one and I think this is a great example of what can happen when you break away from the pack and create a moment with the lead. Martin took some time during a group date last week to check in on Michelle and make sure she was ok. He then used the nighttime portion of that date to essentially ask when he was getting a one-on-one. Although Michelle didn’t give him an answer, she did lean in for a kiss. Now, he’s on a solo date with her. Way to play the game, Martin.
When the date card arrives with Martin’s name on it, Olu says he doesn’t trust him because he was close with Jamie. I lowkey agree. Martin is a very good-looking dude, but I don’t love he participated in starting drama with Jamie and pretty much got away with it.
But Michelle also names that she knows Martin and Jamie were close, so she’s using the date to feel things out.
The pair will be racing cars on their date, which feels very Indiana to me. No judgment, I’m from Indianapolis, and racing cars is very much a sport. Fun fact, when I was 18 I took a driving course where we got to drift, do donuts, and a few other cool things, it was kinda crazy and very scary, but now I know how to successfully drive in snow/slippery conditions with ease.
Martin greets Michelle with a kiss, which we don’t see often and I thought was a bold move. Beyond that, the actual racing part of the date seems kind of boring. They did much of the stunts separately, so there wasn’t time for them to connect.
After the racing portion, we get our first random hot tub moment of the season. I don’t really understand why they are in a hot tub in the middle of the summer, while in the California desert, but whatever. Michelle shares that one of the hard things about the experience is that she can vibe with someone one day and then figure out that they aren’t being completely truthful the next. Martin gives his opinion about Jamie going home and says Jamie wasn’t trying to be intentionally shady, but he never really says what Jamie was trying to do. In fact, Jamie never really said what he was trying to do either. By the time he approached Michelle, most of what he said were lies. Michelle feels that Martin's comments are him questioning her judgment, she gets visibly uncomfortable, and they awkwardly go back and forth a bit.
Michelle’s decision is hers, so Martin’s opinion doesn’t really matter, but also, if Martin felt so strongly about Jamie going home, maybe he should’ve said so with his entire chest instead of whatever actually came out of his mouth.
I was surprised at how quickly Michelle seemed offended that Martin questioned her decision to send Jamie home. I actually liked that Martin felt comfortable enough to share his opinion. In the real world, your partner is not going to agree with everything you say or do, but it is super important that they don’t feel the need to walk on eggshells around you.
During the evening portion of the date, Michelle takes an opportunity to confront Martin about how his comments made her feel. Martin says he’s blunt and it can come off as condescending when he doesn’t mean for it to. He also says he’s mostly mimicking what he saw as a kid growing up, he never saw his dad express much emotion or be vulnerable.
Michelle wastes no time trying to figure out what Martin is doing about that and if he’s working on himself to ensure he doesn’t pass his lack of vulnerability on to his kids. She also shares that she grew up holding back a lot and that going to college really allowed her to find her voice and speak up more.
They end the date agreeing to do better, show more emotion with one another and others. Martin gets the rose and Michelle says she’s impressed with how much he listens and specifically listens to understand, not just to respond. I do really like that these men can be corrected by Michelle and instead of getting defensive, try and apply her “notes.”
Back at the house, Leroy is hoping to be on the one-on-one, so is Clayton, neither of them will be. Nayte says he’s not stressing about getting a solo date with Michelle because he knows it will happen eventually. Chris S. immediately picks up on this and takes it as cockiness. I disagree, Nayte knows what he and Michelle have and even if their time together is mostly them sucking face, there is clearly chemistry there. Nayte is confident and sometimes it borders on cockiness, but honestly, its very attractive.
The Ultimate Teddy Bear Takedown
So usually by Monday night/Tuesday morning I get excited about the upcoming episode and go looking for the extra previews ABC puts out on the official Bachelor Nation social media accounts. So, I knew before this date began that it was going to be a disappointing one for Michelle.
On the date: Will, Chris S., Casey, Chris G., Leroy, Rodney, Olu, Brandon, Clayton, Joe, Romeo, and Nayte.
As the men are sitting around in their hotel suite, they somehow convince themselves that they will be sumo wrestling. There’s a knock at the door and being delivered are pajamas for all the men. Rodney got the last Valentine’s Day onesie from Walmart, Brandon is in my personal fall favorite, grey sweatpants, and Chris S. is wearing nothing but a button-down and tighty whites a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
The men find out that they are having a slumber party! There’s cotton candy, pedicures, and face masks, we love to see it. These men are having so much fun, Michelle says they’re embracing their inner man-child a little too much. No one was even trying to make a move on Michelle. I think the guys were being too nice and we’ve seen this before this season, her men have announced they’re going to take Michelle to chat after everyone has greeted her at a cocktail party, and I’m not sure we’ve seen anyone "steal time,” this season, so these men falling back makes sense. Still, Michelle is feeling very forgotten.
We finally get to see Olu talk. He challenges men to punch him in the abs as hard as they can, we only see Clayton do it before we get Michelle sharing that she’s hurt the men aren’t using this time to get to know her more. She says when she was on Matt’s season, she used every free moment she could to do something memorable with Matt or show she cared. This reminded me of when Clare was at a cocktail party and the men were too busy hanging with one another to get to know her. I think men can be really oblivious sometimes when it comes to stuff like this. I know people say if a guy likes you, you’ll know it, and for the most part that is true, but men also have short attention spans and like shiny things (like cotton candy).
The Bella twins appear and tell the men they’ll be competing in a teddy bear/pillow fight, the winning team gets time with Michelle in the evening. The first match is Joe vs. Clayton, which feels so unfair, Clayton is big as hell! I severely underestimated how funny it would be to see grown men beat each other up with teddy bears, I had legit tears in my eyes watching this 😂.
It’s time for the last match. These guys didn’t create team names and we don’t really see a score being kept, but apparently depending on how the final match goes it could either end in a tie, or the team with Nayte, Olu, Clayton, Casey, Romeo, and Leroy winning. The final round is Olu vs. Brandon, another unfair matchup. Obviously swole ass Olu wins.
Again, after the win, no one acknowledges Michelle, which makes her feel even more unseen.
Later on, Michelle talks to Kaitlyn about being hurt that she was barely acknowledged on the group date, but she also admits that she doesn’t think the men realized they were ignoring her and I agree. Again, men are dumb and oblivious. Especially twenty-somethings.
Michelle says she’s always been the one fighting for someone else and she’d like to feel that in return. It also reminds her of what she wrote about in her poem, being overlooked by her peers in school and being the token Black girl. Growing up, she wasn’t seen, or only seen for her race, and now she’s in an experience where the entire point is for her to be seen and chosen, and she wasn’t feeling that on the date. I’d be pissed too and I’d be a lot ruder than she was.
Before the evening begins, Michelle wastes no time telling the men they fucked up. She tells them she didn’t feel great leaving the group date earlier and shares the contents of her poem from last week’s date for those who weren’t there. She lets the men know how important small moments are to her and how she really wants to be seen by the person she’s going to call her partner. She expects these men to match her energy.
I saw a tweet that asked if Michelle was overreacting and I say no. They’re on a television show for this woman, sure that isn’t the only reason most of these men said yes to the opportunity (and that’s okay!) but for no one to really step up and make cotton candy with her, or do a face mask with her was just weird. Also, they are on a show where budget is essentially not an issue. Why not take advantage of that and work with your producer to create a cute little moment? All they’d have to do is ask.
Michelle says she doesn’t expect huge romantic gestures, but that even a ‘hello’ would suffice. Girl, if you don’t ask for more out of these men, the bar is in hell and they need to do better!
The men look shocked when Michelle is finished talking and we even see Olu tear up and say it’s Michelle’s time to find what she truly wants. The last few seasons we’ve been getting more tears from the men, especially from men of color and that’s important, it normalizes other men doing the same.
Michelle grabs Nayte first and I’m glad she did. She clearly likes him a lot and he is not giving what needs to be given. He cannot just swoop in and make out with her every time he sees her and do nothing else. Nayte acknowledges that his actions aren’t cutting it and apologies.
Next, we get even more from Olu, finally! Listen, there are 2.5 dark skin Black men on this show and we’ve heard maybe a dozen words from all of them in the first three episodes, so Olu’s ITMs and talks with Michelle were much needed. I also felt that his words were the most genuine, he used his time with Michelle to apologize, but he also really showed that he empathizes with the hurt she felt by relating it to what he’s seen his sisters go through.
Michelle joins all the men and Olu gets the group date rose!
Reaching New Heights
Rick is going on the second one-on-one date of the episode and I was really excited for a chance to get to know him more.
You know who Rick kind of reminds me of? A more genuine Connor the cat man. I really like him! He’s so giddy around her and seems incredibly humble.
I need to know who is requesting all these adrenaline-type dates. Is she requesting some Amazing Race type shit or what? Why can’t they go on a nice walk in a park, closer to the ground with deli meats and cheeses? The views were beautiful, but at what cost!?
Rick and Michelle “randomly” walk up to a wish box where they have to read the wishes in the box and then write their own. Of course, most of them are about finding love, and then there is one about someone wishing their dad could see the person they’ve become. We find out Rick lost his dad three years ago, so he relates to that wish. Personally, I don’t understand why they couldn’t each write their own wish, but they write a shared wish about finding love and having tough conversations.
Rick says that being with Michelle, being vulnerable, and getting to know her has been so easy and that isn’t something he’s experienced before. Michelle says they definitely took their relationship to new heights.
At the nighttime portion of their date, Rick shares more about his relationship with his dad. I don’t care how much I watch this show, I will never get used to some of these contestants sharing such deeply personal details about their lives and their family’s lives.
Rick says when he was a teenager, a few weeks before Christmas his parents went out and his dad left his phone behind. He noticed his dad got a text and wanted to see who it was.
Turns out it was a text from another woman that didn’t feel innocent. So, he shared the news with his mom. A few weeks later, his parents were breaking up because he discovered that his dad was having an affair with another woman. Rick says he blamed himself for his parents splitting up.
We also learn that his dad struggled with depression, especially in the last decade of his life. He got a call from his dad one day at work and when he called back his dad responded via text saying he was just trying to catch his breath. A friend checked on his dad and found him dead.
It’s unclear how his dad died and after the tough conversation we saw from Jamie in episode two, we don’t need to know shit about how Rick’s father passed. Sometimes these contestants give too much and it’s not their fault, I think they’re forced to, maybe not explicitly, but because they feel they have to.
Rick tells Michelle he enjoys every moment he gets to have with her and that he’s looking forward to the moment where he gets to say he’s in love with her. Michelle says she appreciates how seen he makes her feel and he gives her the rose.
We get another private concert with a white man and I’m ready to fight producers. I love Andy Grammer, but are there no Black musicians available? None? In California? During a pandemic, really? I’m begging for one. Just one.
Another Ruined Cocktail Party
I am officially sick of these men ruining Michelle’s cocktail parties, especially so early in the season. Although I’m not convinced Michelle’s front runners have changed that much (sans Jamie) it is frustrating that she isn’t getting time to get to know these men more during the cocktail party because there has been drama every single week.
Nayte starts the cocktail party by saying despite Michelle being upset earlier in the week, he thinks she is excited to see everyone, while the comment did feel random, Chris S. somehow took serious issue with it and decides he’s going to stir the pot.
Chris low-key interrupts Michelle as she begins to address the men and says he feels that there are men there who believe they have it in the bag. He says that line of thinking is bullshit and that some men aren’t showing Michelle the effort she deserves and he challenges Michelle to give other men a chance.
Michelle says it’s been an emotional week and again has to rehash that her past relationships and childhood has made her feel unseen and that group dates have essentially triggered her a bit.
Brandon steps up to take Michelle away and Chris tries to intercept.
Clayton does a pulse check with the guys and asks them how they felt about Chris’ stunt. They all agree that he should have let Michelle speak for herself. I agree too, Chris was out of pocket and frankly speaking on something he wasn’t part of. Imagine hearing second-hand information and calling other men out instead of putting that energy into planning a small special moment for Michelle at the cocktail party (like Joe does later). How fucking lame.
Now we see Chris using his time with Michelle to call Nayte out by name, unprompted (which he lies about later). He tries to go in for a kiss and Michelle gives him HER CHEEK! This is telling.
My honest take: Chris has watched this show numerous times and seen mediocre white men get far, get attention, etc. That isn’t happening this season and he is threatened that Black men, specifically Nayte, are getting more shine than him, so what does he do? He stirs the pot, attacks the man he feels is getting the most attention, and disparages him to Michelle.
It is true that Chris took time to play Twister with Michelle during the group date, we see this moment and we don’t see any moments with other men. Still, he took a moment where Michelle was feeling unseen and vulnerable so she communicated that to some of the men, (of which he was not one of) he then took that information and poured gasoline on it. What. A. Mess.
Michelle and Nayte sit down to talk and he asks how she’s feeling about what Chris said. She tells him Chris brought his name up and his comment about getting a one-on-one. Nayte kind of brushes it off, but Michelle takes a moment to remind him that even once this show is over, she’s still going to expect her person to work for their relationship. I think so many couples leave the show and forget that. Not that I really expect ABC to make a show that produces successful relationships, but Michelle’s words are a nice reminder that the work doesn’t really stop when the cameras are gone, it actually begins then.
Naturally, Nayte is pissed knowing that Chris invoked his name, so he grabs him for a chat that is mostly just them yelling over one another. This is the first time we actually see Nayte frazzled. We’ve seen him in other contentious conversations, but this is the only one we’ve seen him really fight back in. He was clearly upset with Jamie last week, but we didn’t see him sweat much.
Chris does some true cowardly shit and denies that he spoke to Michelle with plans to call Nayte out. He then lies on Michelle and says that she probed Nayte’s name out of him, but that isn’t true at all, he shared it completely unprompted! Don’t lie on a Black man, Chris, there’s enough of that in the real world. After they go back and forth for a bit, Chris has the nerve to tell Nayte to worry about himself, which is literally the only thing Nayte has been doing. I don’t like that Chris tries to insinuate that Nayte was trying to put hands on him, nor do I like that Nayte calls Chris names.
In his ITM, Chris says “I came in on my white horse and saved her from the castle she’s been stuck in,” and I was just so confused. Chris, babygirl, what are you talking about?
Meanwhile, Joe is out here unphased, unbothered, apologizing for not sharing that he has feelings for her. He brought her snacks and a blanket, even though they’re in the hot-ass desert. They just look like they belong together, they’re so cute.
Rodney and Michelle get a moment as well. She tells him to be ok with tuning people out, which I feel is something you say to someone you really like and want to focus on you, not the bullshit in the house. We also find out that they have a handshake and I immediately turned to my man and asked him why we don’t have a handshake (we’re gonna work on it 😂).
Olu asks Chris if he feels like he’s getting a rose and Chris is immediately annoyed (read: insecure). Obviously, Chris is getting a rose, he presented the lead with good info, albeit in a shady way, and that is almost always awarded with a rose. Chris feels confident he’ll be getting the rose as well and says he’s going to taunt Olu when he does (no, he’s not, Olu is huge and could literally snap him in half).
It’s time for the rose ceremony, Brandon gets the first rose and the way he looks at Michelle is incredibly heartwarming, that boy is in love. Next is Leroy, who we still need to see more of, then Joe, etc., etc. Nayte gets the second to last rose, and Chris S. of course gets the final rose. All that shit-talking and he ain’t do nothing to Olu when he got the rose. Will, Chris G., and my pick Romeo are going home.
One of my last thoughts of this episode wasn’t even about Chris S., but was me wondering if we have ever had this many men of color left basically halfway through the season? We love to see it!
At the end of the episode, Michelle announces that they’ll be headed back to Minneapolis, Minnesota! I am so excited, the midwest doesn’t get enough love and I’m excited to see production work overtime to make Minneapolis look like a beautiful travel destination.
Next week, we get the guys acting excited to be going to Minnesota, a potential one-on-one for Joe, and more bullshit from Chris S.
What did you all think of this episode? Was Michelle overacting about the guys not spending time with her? Were Chris’ actions justified? Let me know in the comments!
Agree with you - Michelle was not overreacting on the teddy bear date. The men are there to get to know her and should’ve made a point of making some time with her.
What does ILM mean? Also I do t think the men are doing enough kissing up or even grabbing her or interrupting others to talk.