Let The Good Times Roll: Bachelorette 20, Episode 5
A poignant convo between Joey and Charity, an anticlimactic two-on-one, and more proof that Dotun is her husband.
Hello hello! We are in week five of Charity’s journey and apparently, that is the week before hometowns, at least this season. It felt weird to be starting this episode with only six men, yet I also don’t love it when leads are at the week before hometowns and have 10 contestants left. For what it’s worth since I’ve been recapping, hometowns have always happened in week seven or eight. You aren’t imagining things, this season is moving faster and hometowns are happening sooner than normal. Statistically speaking (thank you Bachelor Data) it doesn’t matter how many episodes the seasons are, filming time is always the same, and the odds of the final couple staying together don’t increase just because a leads season is longer.
Last night, the group was in New Orleans, Louisiana, a city I recently visited for the first time and loved (it is a foodies paradise)! Last week, when they brought our girl Charity to the woods, I was giving production the side eye, glad to see she’s back in a city without Big Foot sightings. It sucks that we haven’t gotten any international travel so far this season, but it looks like her finale is in Fiji, so that will certainly be beautiful!
The cloud of hometowns is in the air. The men are vying for a one-on-one date, especially Tanner and Sean who’ve had no meaningful one-on-one time with Charity. I’m pretty sure we heard Tanner speak for the first time last episode.
Despite a lack of face time with Tanner and Sean, Charity decides to give her first date of the week to Joey. Sean gets in his head when he learns he hasn’t been chosen for the date and Tanner questions if he could bring someone home he hasn’t had any time with. What was hilarious about this segment is Sean’s comments about five weeks going by as if that were such a long amount of time. Dude, after five weeks in the real world, you probably would barely be responding to texts from her.
Finally, The Talk
This is technically Joey’s first full one-on-one date with Charity. He got a half date in Los Angeles after he was selected to break the Bachelor Nation Longest Kiss Record. They spend the day sightseeing around The Big Easy. They took a carriage ride around the French Quarter, ate food in Jackson Square (we actually see them eat the food on camera!), and stopped to have poems written about one another and the journey they’re on. Fun fact: I was in New Orleans in May for my birthday and the guy we see writing Charity and Joey poems, wrote one for me! My partner answered a few questions and he typed it right up. Kinda cool to see something you’ve experienced on TV.
Throughout the day portion of their date, Joey and Charity are loading how much they care for one another, miss each other when they’re apart, and how confident they’re feeling about their future together. There is definitely chemistry between these two and their spark felt pretty instant and effortless, even in the first episode of the season. But we haven’t heard a ton about Joey’s life and lifestyle, which makes me wonder if he and Charity have talked much about it. We learned about his family dynamic in an early episode, but beyond the job title in his chyron, we haven’t heard much about his life in Hawaii. Of the men left, they’ve got the biggest distance between the two of them, how have they not discussed that? She has such a buttoned-up 9-5 job, and Joey has created a life that intentionally rejects that lifestyle. That doesn’t mean they can’t make it work, just concerning it hasn’t come up yet.
At dinner, Charity asks how his family will feel about meeting her. Joey says his family’s biggest concern would be ensuring he doesn’t get his heart broken. A fair concern for a process like this.
Next, she asks about how Joey feels about being in an interracial relationship, and with the question we get insight into her last relationship. Her last serious partner was a white man and unfortunately, they reached a point where his ignorance, and potentially even the ignorance of his loved ones, put a strain on their relationship. Charity makes it clear that she doesn’t want their relationship to be plagued by ignorance or a lack of willingness to learn, understand and support her and her experiences as a Black woman.
Joey is honest about never having dated a Black woman before, which I appreciated. I also appreciated that in their conversation they weren’t speaking in code by saying ‘woman of color’ when they both meant Black. Charity is a Black woman, and Black women have a specific experience, especially in America, especially in the South. It goes without saying, but I’m speaking from experience.
There was an acknowledgment that Joey doesn’t know everything (or maybe anything) about being a Black woman/person in America, but he’s open to learning and growing with her and says he expects his family to fall in line and support that. Then they co-opt “love is love” (straight people, can we stop this?) as their way of saying their love transcends race, which in my opinion, it does not. Charity asked this question about interracial dating because she knows it’s not the same as mono-racial dating. While no race is a monolith, the shared experience, especially among Black folks in America can make for easy and sometimes instant connection and understanding that doesn’t always translate across racial identities.
I was shocked and excited that we got into this conversation, and that Charity was brave enough to ask this question, knowing she might be judged, or get blowback from the audience. It made me feel like she was taking this journey seriously. I also felt this was a huge step for the show to share this conversation with their mostly white audience. I think many well-meaning white people in interracial relationships think that love is enough, but when you’re born and raised in a country where white supremacy is so deeply ingrained, love is a great starting point, but certainly not enough to sustain a healthy relationship where kids—who would be biracial—are potentially part of the picture. It was great to see Joey acknowledge this, while also being honest that he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and he may get some things wrong, but he doesn’t want that to stop him, or them, from trying.
At the end of the date, after getting the rose, Joey decides to tell Charity that he’s falling in love with her. Although she doesn’t say it back she cries happy tears in her interview with production after the date and feels so validated that Joey was able to share how he was feeling without being prompted or begged (the bar is truly in hell).
Back at the hotel, the men are wondering who might get the next date. It ends up being a two-on-one for Sean and Tanner. Sean is shooketh. He doesn’t understand how he or Tanner could potentially end up with a hometown rose without a one-on-one with Charity. Sean doesn’t just watch this show, he studies it. Dumbfounded and frustrated that this two-on-one means he won’t have a shot at a one-on-one unless it’s at his hometown, Sean storms off.
The Battle of the Average White Boys
On the date: Tanner and Sean
The throuple (kidding) are on a bayou tour, taunting alligators and enjoying an afternoon on a marsh and y’all Charity is in a head scarf! We ain’t NEVA seen a Black girl in a headscarf on this show. The closest we got was seeing Mike Johnson in his durag one morning. Throughout the entire date, all three of them were talking about how awkward and uncomfortable they were. It was awkward, not because there were three of them, but because Charity is clearly not either of these men’s type and vice versa. Sean says some shit about not having felt this strongly for a person before, but he’s 25 so that doesn’t mean much.
Both men get to go on the night portion of the date and the awkwardness continues. Charity speaks to the men one-on-one and while the couple is speaking, the other guy has to wait outside!!! This show is not serious 😭. I cannot tell you what either one of them discussed with Charity, I can’t tell you what these men do for a living (outside of what their chyrons say), but I can tell you that at the end of the date when Charity chose not to give the rose to either of these men, she officially began wasting their time. She said she needs more time and will make her decision at the end of the week, but even indecision is a decision.
Tanner is relieved to live another day, but Sean is pissed. He’s sooo sure about her and he doesn’t understand how she can’t feel the same way. He’s frustrated that with what little time he’s gotten, he’s taken the chance to get to know her and create special moments and he doesn’t feel like any of that has been validated. Charity did call him sweet or something like that because he spoke to her before leaving (I’m assuming for the nighttime portion of the date) but I guess that’s not the type of validation he’s looking for.
The Boy That’s Got Her Heart Racing
Looking like a workout Barbie, Charity is in full makeup and we’re to believe she and Dotun are about to run a marathon, as in 26.2 miles. This was insulting to the audience’s intelligence, but let’s pretend they definitely ran that many miles for the first time ever on national TV with no training and in tutus. I just know Dotun sick of risking his life on dates to show Charity he’s serious about her.
Charity and Dotun definitely ran across the starting line for the cameras, got golf carted around the race course, and then got out .2 miles before the finish line for a photo finish shot. And honestly, I love that for them.
This pair looks more and more comfortable each time they’re together. This is her husband, in my humble opinion.
At dinner, Dotun admits he’s feeling so strongly for Charity, even though it’s been a short amount of time. He’s torn between what his heart is feeling and what his head is saying but decides it’s important to put it all out there and see what happens.
Charity has started each dinner with the same question in this episode. She’s asking the men how they feel about bringing her to their hometowns and what she might be able to expect if she were to go home with them. Dotun is honest in a way that Brayden could not be about this process. He acknowledges this process is fast and crazy and doesn’t make sense, but that he’s also trying to let a good thing just be a good thing and not question it too much. He also shares that he’s falling in love with her and Charity’s face lights up at this revelation. She offers him the date rose and he accepts. Her husband is going to hometowns!
I buy this connection. It’s been a slow burn, or at least as slow as one can be in this expedited process. It also seems like the attraction was intellectual before it was physical, Dotun made time to share bits about himself and let her know he was thinking about her so when they finally had significant one-on-one time a few weeks in, there was already an established connection and they weren’t going in cold.
Next Stop, Hometowns
On the date: Aaron, Xavier, Tanner, Sean
A date card arrives at the hotel and the men assume it will be another one-on-one, but to everyone’s surprise, it is a group date with four men. The other two men, Dotun and Joey, have secured their hometown spots.
Sean is doing some quick math to figure out his odds of making it to hometown week. He realizes two men will go home and two men will be invited to hometowns. He’s pissed. He’s stressed. Aaron is too. For the second time in this episode, Sean storms away, stressed that other men are getting more time than he has gotten.
The feelings Sean allegedly has for Charity (beyond the Barbie date, which he was obligated to win because of how he looks, we haven’t seen them connect once) aren’t fading, so he decides to go speak to Charity about how he’s feeling. He says despite not being validated throughout this process, his care for her hasn’t wavered, so he wants to understand how he can be so sure when she isn’t.
Sean says he really wants to bring home Charity feeling so sure about their connection and future together, but not getting the rose at the two-on-one made him insecure. He throws up one more hail Mary and says he’s “in the process of falling in love” with her and to that she says, ‘Nah.’ She appreciates how he’s been there for her and made his intentions known, but what he’s looking for, she can’t give him and she doesn’t think she’ll get there. So, he got his clarity, just not the kind he thought he would get. They share a tearful goodbye and in his interview with producers, he’s shocked he didn’t make it further. He “saw a future with her,” and was in this process for love. He gave just enough tears and fained confusion that he might be able to squeak out a Bachelor nom from the audience. Time will tell.
The group date is essentially a cocktail party. Charity chats with each of the men one-on-one about the future they may have.
Aaron admits this was the hardest week of his life (dramatic, much?). He says it’s been hard to see these men come back with roses, but their lack of time together this week didn’t completely ruin his excitement about getting a hometown.
Xavier is feeling nervous to chat with Charity, he says he really likes her and wants to fall in love with her, but he also wants to make sure she has all the information about him to make an informed decision. She continues with her question “How do you feel about hometowns?” but Xavier takes the conversation in a different direction. He says the idea of committing to one person scares him. Charity presses him and asks why and he says it’s because he’s never experienced it before, so he doesn’t know if it’s possible for him, even though he wants it. I thought this was really honest of him to admit. I respect the revelation, but personally, it would turn me off. There’s nothing wrong with Xavier’s honesty, it’s refreshing, but I would need someone who has unpacked that a bit more with a professional before diving into a hometown.
This group date is also a rose ceremony, kind of. Aaron gets the first group date rose, but as for the second one, Charity isn’t ready to hand it out yet. So, she asks the men to come back later that night, where she’ll make her final decision. If I’m Tanner, I’m feeling like shit at this point. Charity has had a rose to potentially give to him twice this week and both times he wasn’t a solid yes for her.
I really wish this show would make it so only people who have received one-on-ones are eligible for hometowns. It’s completely unserious to act like spending a total of two hours with someone in 15-minute increments is enough to feel like you can go home with them and meet their family, in front of cameras.
A Kinda Sorta Rose Ceremony
Charity knocks on Tanner’s door as he’s getting ready for the rose ceremony. She admits it’s unfair for her to travel to meet his family when they’ve spent zero time together. She breaks up with him, tearfully. It wasn’t lost on me that she was in jeans while he was in a suit. A true power play.
Next, Charity heads to Xavier’s room. I kind of like that they did the ceremony like this. The rose ceremony before hometowns can feel so cold and impersonal because often the lead is going from as many as eight to four, which is awkward. I liked the one-to-one setup of this. She picks up the rose and tells Xavier that she doesn’t have to hand it out, but wants, so she offers it to him and he accepts. A weird way to say ‘I can’t wait to meet your family,’ but ok.
So, in the end, the two-on-one was a waste because both Tanner and Sean ended up going home in this episode.
Next week, we’re in the men’s hometowns and were getting truth-telling Black mommas, some over-protectiveness from one of Joey’s family members, and apparently, a goodbye no one expects, which makes me think it’s Joey. As long as it isn’t Dotun, I truly do not care.
Heads up: I will be at a work conference next week, my goal is to get the recap out on Tuesday morning, as usual, but I’m not quite sure my schedule will allow it. All that to say, the recap may come Wednesday instead, and thanks in advance for your patience! Excited to meet the families next week!